When I was asked to write an article for the John Jay newspaper, I was admittedly a bit hesitant. I didn’t think anyone would really want to hear from me. If I’m honest, despite having incredible friends all throughout high school, I couldn’t help but feel like an outcast. A lot of my time at John Jay was spent trying to avoid people. I always seemed to get stuck with all the people that didn’t like me in one class. I tried to be nice, but then I’d be made fun of. When I was mean and defensive, I was made fun of more. I felt like I couldn’t win.
Needless to say, high school was rough for me. At the end of my freshman year, I stopped eating. In the beginning of my sophomore year, I weighed 76 pounds. It took me until the middle of my junior year to make it back up to 93 pounds, and I still struggled to keep the weight on for a long time. During most of my sophomore year, I had anxiety attacks three or four times a week. Sometimes they were so severe that I’d get sick. I hid my insecurities behind my crazy clothes and heavy makeup. By the time I got to my senior year, I had damaged my hair so much from dying and straightening it that I finally decided to cut it short. I felt like my friends only talked to me out of pity. I stayed close to my teachers in hopes that they’d help me when I needed. Of course they helped, but it wasn’t enough to make school a happy place for me.
Over the four years you spend at John Jay, you will hear that college is different about fourteen billion times from your parents, teachers, and older friends. You are told that the workload is heavier, and that you’ll need to study more. You’re told that you have to be more responsible. All of this is true, but it leaves out the fact the college is a completely different social atmosphere as well.
The first thing I noticed when I walked on to the Dutchess campus was that people only really dressed nicely for the first week or two. Having been someone who used to wear skirts almost every day (even in the winter!), it was a complete contrast to my experience at high school. Sure, you can dress nice any day you want, but most days you can stick to your sweatpants or your leggings. In my experience in college, I’ve also noticed that people are a lot more inclusive. Sure, everyone’s got their group of friends, but it doesn’t feel quite as cliquey as it used to. Nobody is really considered “popular.” Rumors don’t really go around because almost everyone has matured enough to realize that they’re pointless and stupid. The people who used to be involved in the most drama are now irrelevant. From what I’ve seen, the people I encounter nowadays are a lot less petty and entitled than I’d been accustomed to in high school.
Even though I’m working harder than I did in high school, I don’t really mind it. The work keeps me busy, and I manage my time well enough to get everything done on time. I’ve made friends with my professors, which has made it easier to ask for help when it’s needed. My grades are a bit better than they were in high school. I even received a 118% on one of my midterms! One hundred and eighteen percent!! Despite all the work I’ve been doing in classes and my job, I’m still close with my friends. I’ve also made multiple new friends since entering college. I’m finally at a point where I know that they are my friends, and they don’t just talk to me because they feel bad for me.
Looking back, high school offered me so many great teachers and opportunities, but I suppose being different (and as a result, bullied) kept me from striving. Now that I’m in college, I feel so much less stressed- even on my worst days. I guess what I’m trying to say is that high school does not determine how you’ll be treated in the future. If you’re anything like me, you’ll find that college gives you an opportunity to bloom without worry of who’s around to see it, or how they’ll react. Plenty of ninth grade teachers will tell you that high school is the best four years of your life. If you’re made fun of so much that you don’t want to go to your classes, or you don’t go to lunch for fear of sitting alone, or you feel like everyone is always laughing at you- if you’re struggling right now, I promise you it gets better.